Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
