she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
