so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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