just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
