she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
