Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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