I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
