you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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