Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
