Can Purell be used as lube?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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