Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
