planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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