Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
