btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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