did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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