Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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