Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
