No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
