I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
