There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
