i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
