Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
