goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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