im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
