really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
