the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
