I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
