i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
