I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
