i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
