Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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