She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
