i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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