I feel like I'm in dance class right now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
