I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
