Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
