Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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