I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need a burrito and a hug.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
