Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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