My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
