i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
