Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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