I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
