the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
