Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
