i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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