remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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