East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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