i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
