I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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