I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
