i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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