talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
