What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The uberlube is also flammable
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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