Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
