i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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