u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
