you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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