idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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