The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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